


Hours Continuing Long

by Somniare



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, In Vino Veritas, Lewis Summer Challenge 2015, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-16 09:36:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4620435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somniare/pseuds/Somniare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i> He’d been a week shy of nineteen when it had happened. </i><br/>One drunken moment compels Robbie to recall a long held secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Night Before

**Author's Note:**

> With many thanks to both my beta reader and Brit-picker.

Robbie Lewis scooted across the back seat of the taxi as James Hathaway began folding himself into the space beside him.

“Should’ve sat in the front, you lanky git.”  Robbie was rather amazed he wasn’t slurring.  Peterson’s farewell party – he’d been promoted to DCI and his new post was in Cambridge – had included an open bar, and because Robbie and James were off rotation, they’d made the most of it.

James turned his head and smiled serenely at Robbie, his eyes wide and yet heavy at the same time.  “This door was open.”  He formed his words carefully and slowly.  James began fumbling with the seat belt, trying to click it into place, and missing several times.  Robbie gently took the buckle from him and secured it.

“Your place first?” Robbie asked.

James frowned briefly.  “Can I stay at yours? My car’s at the station.”

“And if you stay at mine it’ll be easier for me to give you a lift back to collect it tomorrow?”

“Would you?”  James’s smile was disarming and warming.  Robbie huffed quietly and then gave the driver his address.

As the car began to move, James slipped down in the seat, tipping his head back and staring upwards.  “There was a good crowd there tonight,” he murmured.

Robbie nodded.  “A few faces I didn’t expect to see.  Peterson’s ruffled more than feathers on his way to this promotion.”

“D’you think they came to make sure he was really going?”

Robbie snorted softly.  “Wouldn’t surprise me.”  He looked up to see James had closed his eyes.  “You’re not going to fall asleep on me here, are you?” he murmured.

James rolled his head towards Robbie and opened one eye.  “I promise not to snore.”

“Git.”  James’s eye drooped shut.  Robbie studied James’s relaxed face as it rocked gently with the motion of the car, and shook his head sadly.  James, who was kind, intelligent, loyal, faithful, and handsome, amongst other things, was once again going home with his boss.  Robbie had once told James he needed a partner.  James, however, seemed perfectly content to spend his free time with Robbie.

Not that Robbie was complaining.  He was…grateful was the wrong word.  So was thankful.  He gazed out the window to pull his alcohol-fogged thoughts together.  Blessed.  He was blessed to have James’s company as often as he did.  Being with James reminded him in some ways of being with Val.  He could sit quietly with both of them, and both instinctively understood him; he rarely had to explain what he was feeling.  To have that twice in one lifetime could only be a blessing.

In James’s case, it was also a curse.  The more time they spent together, the greater the chance everything could fall apart.

The taxi pulled up to the front of Robbie’s building.  James began the slow and awkward process of unfurling his long limbs and getting himself out of the vehicle.  He was still attempting to stand when Robbie, having paid the driver and eased himself out onto the road, walked around to the other side of the car and took hold of James’s arms.

“Up you get.”  Robbie grunted and tottered back a step as he pulled James upright and away from the kerb, before turning back to close the taxi door.  James swayed slightly. Robbie held out one arm which James took hold of, giving Robbie a thankful smile.

If they hadn’t had each other to lean against, Robbie doubted they would have made it to the front door without mishap.  Robbie found his keys in his trouser pocket and opened the door on the first attempt.  He grinned at James, who was leaning against the doorframe watching him, his eyes heavy with sleep…and something Robbie couldn’t quite name in his current state.

Robbie pushed open the door and stepped inside.  He started to turn to hold the door for James, tripped over his own feet and stumbled backwards.  He came to rest against the passage wall and watched wide-eyed as James – who’d lunged towards him with one hand outstretched, presumably to grab hold of him – overbalanced, and tumbled through the doorway.

James came to a sudden stop against Robbie.  “Sorry,” he said with a giggle.  He placed one hand against the wall on either side of Robbie’s head and started to push himself off Robbie.  He stilled when his eyes met Robbie’s.  Their faces were barely six inches apart.  James fell quiet.

Robbie’s first thought was that it was nice to be unexpectedly this close to James.  His next was tinged with panic.  James was too close, dangerously close.  If Robbie couldn’t extricate himself quickly, he was certain James would see what Robbie had worked hard to conceal from him.  A truth that could potentially tear them apart.

Robbie slipped a hand between himself and James, with the sole intention of helping James get upright and balanced on his own feet.  As Robbie began to push gently, James shifted his body and Robbie’s hand brushed across James’s chest.  It came to rest, fingers splayed, over James’s heart.  James glanced down at Robbie’s hand and then back to his eyes, tilting his head to one side.  Robbie held his breath.  James began to lower his face towards Robbie’s, and Robbie realised with something between alarm and anticipation that James must have misinterpreted his stillness.  Before Robbie could utter a sound, James’s lips met his, and he closed his eyes.

It was a gentle kiss, a little hesitant, and not in the least unwelcome, though how James could have been sure of that, Robbie didn’t know.  He was torn.  James had initiated the contact.  Would it really be a breach of trust to respond?  James might never be so unguarded again, and it wouldn’t be irreparable if Robbie were wrong; they could both blame Peterson and his open bar and pretend this never happened.  Robbie clutched at James’s shirt and returned the kiss.  With a soft moan, James sank against Robbie, and Robbie welcomed his weight.

The pressure of James’s tongue pushing gently at Robbie’s mouth, seeking entry, brought Robbie sharply to his senses.  He knew he had to bring this to a stop, though, if he was honest, what he really wanted was to drag James to the couch.  That wouldn’t be so easily blamed on the drink.  Without doubt, it would be something they would both regret.

Robbie released the crumpled cotton-blend fabric, and raised his hand to James’s shoulder.  He gently pushed James back.  They both needed time to think about this.  Hell.  They were going to have to talk about this when they both had cooler, clearer heads, provided James didn’t bolt and then completely shut down.

James yielded to the pressure of Robbie’s hand and straightened up.  James's cheeks and throat were flushed and he blinked slowly.  Robbie’s heart dropped when he caught the instant James’s brain caught up with his body.

James took a step back.  “I think…p’rhaps I should go home…I’ll call a taxi,” he mumbled.

Robbie gripped James’s arm gently but firmly about the elbow.  “I said you can stay and nothing’s changed.”  James didn’t respond.  Robbie slipped his hand up James’s arm and gave a quick squeeze.  “There’s a perfectly good couch waiting for you. Come on.”  James looked down. Robbie held back a sigh.  “Look, no harm done. Okay?” he said softly, fervently hoping it was the truth.

He felt James relax slightly under his hand, though he still didn’t look at Robbie.

“On you go.”  Robbie nudged James towards the couch.

While Robbie collected the bedding he kept aside for James’s use, James flicked on the overhead light in the living area and cleared the throw cushions off the couch.  They made up the couch together in an awkward silence.  Not only was Robbie unsure what to say, he also didn’t want James to feel as though he had to say anything.

James dropped onto the now made-up couch with a grunt.  “Goodnight, sir,” he murmured flatly.  Monty hopped up beside him and started head-butting James for attention.

Robbie clasped James’s shoulder; he didn’t want James to lie down second-guessing himself and searched for something to say.  “You’re all right, James,” he murmured after a moment.  “Sleep well.”  Robbie didn’t look back as he headed for bed.  He heard James settling down, and then he switched off the light.  Robbie stood at the bedroom door for a moment to see if Monty would come, but the cat settled himself on the arm of the couch near James’s pillow.

Robbie lay in bed, feeling far more sober than he thought he should have.  He listened as James moved around on the couch, tossing and turning.  At any moment he expected to hear James get up and leave.  The creaking of the couch slowed and stopped, and Robbie held his breath.  When the sound of soft snoring began to drift through, Robbie felt quietly hopeful James would still be there when he woke.

Although Robbie had acknowledged to himself some time ago that he was more than fond of James, he’d never presumed James would return his affection.  Yet it was all there, wasn’t it?  The same events which had slowly opened Robbie’s heart – discovering and building the case against Simon Monkford, working out the detailed timeline of the night Chloe Brooks was attacked, every quiet drink at the pub, every shared dinner, their easy silences, James sleeping on his couch, James leaning over his shoulder when the computer played up, the walls coming down when James was tired, unspoken conversations – each one had been a quiet declaration, hadn’t it?

“Bugger.”  The revelation should have made him ecstatically happy, but it didn’t.  It wasn’t about loving Val any less.  It had taken him a long time, and a good deal of prodding from Lyn over the past couple of years to accept that moving on wouldn't be betraying Val’s memory.  God knows, she’d probably be happy for him if she could see.  If he acted on it.  But he couldn’t act on it, could he?  Even if it was what James wanted.  He was James’s boss, his superior.  It was…complicated.

Robbie flopped onto his back and gazed at a bright line on the ceiling.  It had been cast by the streetlight coming through the crack in the curtains and he half-fancied it was an arrow pointing towards James.  A sign, if he believed in such things.

_What if I’ve got it arse about?_ he thought.  Maybe the kiss had simply been a drunken moment, something James would apologise for in the morning and never mention again.  After all, Robbie had never given James any cause to think he would be attracted to another man.  As far as James was concerned, Robbie’s marriage to Val defined him, didn’t it?  Robbie threw himself onto his side, with his back towards the bedroom door.  “You’re a copper, man. Stick to the facts,” he muttered to himself.

Even drunk, James had never shown himself to be an overly impulsive person.  That kiss was exactly what it felt like: it was a question, hope wrapped up in a simple action.  How long James had harboured that hope, Robbie couldn’t say, but it had to have been for some time.  What had prompted him to act tonight, well, that was a mystery.  One thing was certain, however.  James deserved the truth.

Robbie continued to stare towards the window.  He had to work out what he was going to say to James.  Talking about his feelings and his past wasn’t something he was comfortable with, especially in this instance.  There was a side to Robbie that even Val hadn’t been aware of, let alone anyone else, and the idea of telling James made him feel ill.  Not because he was ashamed, but because it meant dredging up old memories, and that meant reliving the pain of having his heart broken for the first time.  In the past, when something weighed heavily on him he would bounce ideas and thoughts off Val.  More recently, he had come to rely on James, and occasionally Laura, to be his sounding board.  Tonight he was very much on his own.  Robbie rolled onto his other side so he was facing the door, and by association, James.  He closed his eyes and let his mind drift back.

He’d been a week shy of nineteen when it had happened.  He and Stuart had been mates since before Robbie could remember.  Both their dads worked down the same pit, often on the same shifts, and their mums had become good friends.  The two families lived two doors apart.  Robbie and Stuart had played in the street together, had gone to school together, and had played rugby and cricket for the same teams.  They’d been inseparable and had even decided to apply to join the police force together.  Then, one weekend during the summer after they’d finished secondary school, Robbie had gone to stay at Stuart’s house.  That wasn’t unusual in itself – they often slept over at each other’s.  However, this time, it was just the two of them.  Stuart’s mum and dad had treated themselves to a week in Blackpool – their first holiday away – and his brother had gone camping with some mates.  He and Stuart had been watching a movie on the telly when Stuart had, without any preamble, taken hold of Robbie’s hand and drawn it onto his lap.  Robbie’s mouth had gone dry with expectation, he’d realised after, not fear or confusion, and when Stuart had kissed him, Robbie had found himself kissing back without hesitation.

One thing had led quickly led to another and they’d ended up spending almost the entire weekend in Stuart’s bedroom.  From everything that had been drummed into him as a wee lad in Sunday School and by his parents, Robbie had expected to feel guilty, or at the very least, soiled.  He hadn’t.  He’d felt cared for, and more.  It was certainly very different to anything he’d experienced emotionally before.

Robbie had had a couple of girlfriends in secondary school, though it would probably have been more honest to call them fleeting acquaintances.  Though he’d quite fancied each of the girls he gone with, four dates had been his longest relationship, if it could even have been called that.  Though he’d been disappointed things hadn’t gone further with any of them, he’d not felt as though he’d lost anything.  What he’d felt with Stuart had overwhelmed him; Robbie had been certain he’d been in love.  While he’d never expected his first love to be his best mate, he’d also been aware life was a funny thing and you could never be sure what it would put in your path.

Because he and Stuart had been mates for so long, no one had thought it strange that they spent all their free time together.  Family and friends had known if you saw one, the other was somewhere nearby.  Both lads had even managed to find work in the same office after leaving school while they waited to learn if they’d been accepted into the police force.  Even so, they’d had to be alert to what they said to each other and how they acted in public.  The slightest slip could have led to questions and suspicion, and they’d known all too well the fate that would befall nancy boys.

Finding time to be intimate, to indulge themselves in each other, had taken secrecy and careful planning.  There had been a few abandoned buildings that, though probably condemned, provided sanctuary.  Camping trips – “we’re going rambling” – occurred most weekends.  To give themselves some cover, they would go to the nearby dance hall on Friday nights with the sole aim of each being seen to walk a young woman to her door at the end of the night.

Even with their precautions, they’d constantly feared anyone finding out.  The slightest whiff of ‘pansy’ about Robbie or Stuart would have seen their mates become their enemies and tormentors.  They’d been even more afraid of either of their fathers learning the truth.  Though both lads had been tall for their age, their fathers had been hardened by years of coal mining and were far stronger.  Also looming over them had been the fact they were under twenty-one, and as such were breaking the law.  At the very least, they’d be forced out of home and out of Newcastle, if not beaten to within an inch of their lives.  At worst, it could have meant criminal charges and prison, and an end to any decent future prospects for them.  They certainly wouldn’t have been allowed into the police force.  Despite the risks, Robbie hadn’t been willing to give Stuart up, and he’d believed Stuart felt the same.

He’d had no illusions about their future though.  He and Stuart would never have been able to be open with their relationship, certainly not in Newcastle, unlike his brother and his succession of girlfriends, and the idea of a permanent relationship had never crossed Robbie’s mind.  At some point in the future, they would have both be expected to find a ‘nice girl’ and settle down, but until that day came, he’d sworn to himself he would be faithful to Stuart.

Then, out of the blue, six months after their first night together, almost to the day, Stuart had told Robbie he was joining the air force and would be leaving Tyneside.  “Best we make a break of it all now,” was the last thing Stuart had said to him, walking away, leaving Robbie standing at the river’s edge under a new moon.  Robbie had stayed there until the horizon had started to glow, before walking home and taking to his bed.  In his youth and inexperience, he’d thought he’d never experience such pain again.  While Robbie did learn years later that Stuart had left the air force and settled down with an engineer called Thomas, he had never found out why Stuart had left him so abruptly.  That part still stung whenever he let the memories surface.  He’d told no one.

Stuart had been the only bloke Robbie had ever been with, and over the years Robbie had come to believe it had been 'one of those things', a youthful experiment, what today was called being bi-curious.  At least, that’s what he’d kept telling himself until the pain of Stuart’s absence had faded.  Stuart’s flat statement had been the end of whatever there had been between them.  Robbie had understood it would have been foolish to try to persuade Stuart to reconsider.  He had thought about it though, but the risk of any of their other chums catching a whiff of what had happened wasn’t worth it.  As painful as it had been, it had been best left in the past.

Despite what happened, Robbie had never considered himself to be gay.  He did like women, he always had.  He'd fallen deeply in love with Val within weeks of meeting her and had never looked at another.  He’d promised to love, comfort, honour, and protect her for as long as they both lived and he'd been true to his vows.  A part of him would always love her.  For many years he thought he’d never allow himself to love again until he came to the understanding that he was someone who needed to love someone else and to be loved.  It wasn’t neediness.  It wasn’t about feeling incomplete.  It was about sharing, opening up to another, finding and giving comfort.  It was about not being alone; Robbie knew bitterly it was easy to be alone in a crowd, and he’d seen many married folk who were very much alone.  Intimacy and touch were what he craved.

Once he’d made that discovery, he had thought perhaps he and Laura...  Robbie sighed.  “We're better off as friends,” Laura had said, and she'd been right.  What had surprised Robbie was the sense of relief he’d felt almost immediately.  He’d puzzled over his response for days.  It was then he’d begun to recognise that he couldn't have given his heart to Laura no matter how much he may have wanted to, because he'd quietly given it to James.  That James was a man was irrelevant.  It wasn’t about gender.  Robbie had had a bond with Stuart, one forged in childhood and strengthened through their shared trials.  He’d believed Val was his soulmate, and you only had one soulmate, didn’t you?  So what exactly did he have with James?  If you lost your soulmate before his or her time, did fate find someone else for you?  Now that Robbie felt more confident James wanted him – though God only knew why, and Robbie doubted God would tell him – he very much wanted to find out what their future held.  But what was the best way to approach it?

Robbie could, of course, dive in headfirst and simply tell James he had been attracted to men in the past and see where things went from there.  He shook his head.  Direct and James wasn’t always the best combination.  He’d be as likely to clam up and flee as take advantage of what he’d been told.  There was also the issue of his being James’s boss.  However, if Robbie told him about Stuart and then let James draw his own conclusions…  Yes, that might work.  If nothing else, James would know he hadn’t crossed into unknown territory for Robbie.

It wouldn’t exactly be their regular breakfast conversation: that usually consisted of “coffee?”, “ta,” and “right, then.”  Robbie wasn’t even sure how he would broach the subject, but he was keenly aware that if he didn’t tell James as soon as he could, the moment could be lost.  James would fold into himself again and they would both lose.

“Lose what though?” Robbie whispered to himself, dropping onto his back and staring at the ceiling again.  “What can I offer him?  James should be with someone his own age, someone he can build a future with.”   _Don’t you think he would have done something about that if it was what he wanted_ , Robbie argued with himself.  “Well, yes, but…”   _But what? James knows his own mind._ “I’ve never said he doesn’t.”   _Well, then?_ Robbie let the thought sink in.  “He really does want me.”  Robbie sat up as he whispered the words.  “He’ll deny himself a family of his own for me?”   _Ever considered that perhaps you are the family he wants?_   It was a sobering and powerful thought.

In the living area, the couch creaked as James moved.  Depending on what happened in the morning it could be the last night he ever slept there.


	2. The Morning After

It was either Monty’s yowl or the rumble of the kettle and the smell of toast that woke Robbie.  He had no idea when he’d finally let sleep take him.  From the way his eyes felt, it couldn’t have been more than a few hours ago.  The temptation to roll over and go back to sleep was tempered by the need to see James before he left.  Robbie took it as a good sign that James was making himself some breakfast and not rushing out the door.  Of course, that could simply be because he needed to get back to the station for his car and didn’t want to pay for a taxi.  Whatever the reason, he was here.  Robbie threw back the duvet and swung his legs out of the bed.

He swapped his pyjamas for an old pair of tracky bottoms and his favourite worn rugby jumper.  James would probably be dressed similarly.  Robbie kept some old clothes with the spare bedding he set aside for James, so he had something to slip into in the mornings other than his clothes from the previous day, and had left them on the coffee table for James.  James wasn’t obliged to wear them, but he usually did.

Robbie opened the bedroom door quietly and looked down the passage towards the kitchen.  He couldn’t see James, but he could see his shadow as he moved around the kitchen.  The aroma of freshly brewed coffee lured Robbie out of the room.  James was stood at the worktop, dressed as Robbie had anticipated.  He was buttering toast and dropping crumbs to Monty, who was twining between his legs, purring loudly.

“Morning, James,” Robbie said lightly.

“Morning, sir.”  James’s head had ducked down as his shoulders tensed.

So. It was going to be like that.  _Softly, softly, Lewis._   “Sleep well?”

“Fine.  Thank you.  I, er…um, I raided your bathroom cabinet for paracetamol.  I hope you don’t mind?”

“As long as you left some for me.”

“You had a new box.  Coffee?  I’ve made extra toast just in case.”

Extra toast was a bit of an understatement.  It looked as though James had made half a loaf’s worth.  “Please.”  Robbie stood back to let James pass him with the loaded plate and cafetière.  Cups and plates were already on the table; two places were set opposite each other.

James put the toast and coffee on the table and stood beside one of the chairs.  He was yet to look at Robbie.  Robbie bit back an unexpected smile.  It was completely James to fall back on formality and ritual when he was uncomfortable.  Robbie took the not so subtle hint, walked to the other side of the table, pulled out the chair and sat down.  James followed suit half a second later.

James managed to pour the coffee and offer the toast to Robbie without making eye contact.  If they kept on like this, Robbie was afraid James would leave without either of them having said or done anything to clear the air.  Robbie took a sip of his coffee.  He supposed it was up to him.

“Look, James–”

James started and spoke rapidly over the top of him.  “I may have taken some liberties with you last night, sir, and I deeply apologise if I offended or–”

“Can I stop you there before you say something you might wish you hadn’t?”  Robbie had raised his voice just enough to cut James off.  James was now staring at him.  At least they’d now made eye contact.

“Huh?”  James blinked in confusion.

“You were ready to run off last night and I basically told you to stay.  Do you think I would I have done that if you’d offended me?”

“Possibly,” James murmured.  “We were both drunk, and you’re my friend.”

Robbie inclined his head in agreement.  “Aye, there’s that, but there’s a bit more to it.”

“I see,” James replied, though his tone made it clear he didn’t.

“You know as much about me and Val as anyone outside the immediate family does,” Robbie started haltingly.  “What I’ve never spoken about before is me and Stuart.”  He paused.  “I have mentioned Stuart before, haven’t I?”

James nodded.  “Your best friend in Newcastle.  Went into the air force.”

“Aye.  That’s him.”  Robbie took a deep breath and continued.

 

***

 

“I’d known for some time I was more interested in Stuart than I had been with any of the girls I’d gone out with to that point, but I didn’t think there was anything I could do about it.  When he made that first move, I didn’t think about the possible consequences.  I wanted him.  It was that simple.  Then he was gone and I knew he wouldn’t be back.  It was Newcastle in the seventies.  There were expectations.”

James nodded slowly.  “Settling down.  Ideally marriage and children.”  His tone implied it was something he’d heard far too often in his life.

“Yeah.”

“Did Mrs Lewis know?”

“You can call her Val, James.  No, she didn’t know.  This…”  Robbie rubbed his hands across his face.  “This is the first time I’ve ever spoken about it.”  Now that the words were out, that it was no longer his secret to bear alone, Robbie felt himself tremble with relief.  “And you should know I didn’t start going with Val on a rebound and I didn’t set out to prove anything to meself or anyone else.  Stuart left Tyneside about four months after he’d left me standing by the river.  I was two months into my training with the police by then.  A short while after that a group of us went to see Midnight Addiction and the rest was history.  Val was there with a bunch of her friends.”  He smiled at the memory.  “Oh, James, she was the bonniest lass there.  I loved her.  Still do, but now it feels okay to move on.  I’m ready to start building a new life.”

“Oh?  Really?”  James blinked three times.

“Aye.  Our Lyn’s convinced I’m already involved with someone.  I’d like to think she’s not too far wrong.”

“I, um.  What made her…?”  James gestured vaguely.

Robbie smiled.  “Towards the end of last year, it suddenly dawned on me that there was someone I’d grown fond of – more than fond, truth be told.  Then when I was up at Lyn’s for Christmas she said I looked happier than I had in a long time.  That I reminded her of who I was in the days before we lost her mam.”  Robbie sipped at his cooling coffee.  Neither had touched the toast on their plates.

“I see.”  James’s tone was odd.  It was the sound of someone who’d finally added two and two together.

“What’s ‘I see’ supposed to mean?”

James fidgeted in his seat.  “I had lunch with Laura a couple of weeks ago: she said something similar.  That you seemed to have made up your mind about someone – that was her exact word, someone.  If I didn’t know your history, I might have thought she was referring to you and her.  But she wasn’t, was she?  She’d seen or thought she’d seen…oh.”

“I thought I’d done a good job of hiding it, but I guess the heart wants what the heart wants,” Robbie murmured.

Understanding flooded James’s face, and Robbie would have sworn James sat a little straighter.  But how James really _felt_ was still hidden from Robbie.

James swallowed and licked his lips nervously.  He opened his mouth and closed it again.  Robbie watched, trying not to twitch, as James lowered his eyes and started to tear his piece of toast into small pieces.  His hands stilled and he spoke softly.

“Are you saying that you...that I, we...”  He glanced up quickly and then away again.  A bloom rose on his cheeks.  The tick of the kitchen clock grew louder.

Robbie exhaled heavily and slowly.  “Truth is, James–”

“No!  Stop.”  James’s head snapped up.  A deep frown scored his brow and Robbie’s stomach filled with lead.  He was confused when James reached across and grasped his hand with butter-smeared fingers.  James tugged Robbie’s hand towards him.  “You’re my boss.  You shouldn’t even hint at anything.  If I were asked about it down the track, you’d expect me to be honest, regardless of the consequences.  But if I were the one who approached you, who asked you questions and wasn’t prepared to take silence as an answer, then that would be different, wouldn’t it?”  James nodded expectantly.

Robbie inhaled deeply and clasped James’s hand.  No matter what happened from here, James, of course, was right.  He already knew that himself.  He felt a little cross with himself for nearly letting his eagerness to learn what James wanted to do create a barrier for them.  If they were to become more than work partners, it would raise a number of issues at work, and inevitably certain measures would have to be taken.  However, even the suggestion of influence or coercion on Robbie’s part would work against them.  Not that Robbie would, or that Innocent would even entertain the idea he would, but as they say, ‘no smoke without fire’, and Innocent would have to be seen to act if any complaint were to arise or accusation levelled.  And if they were going to be together, Robbie didn’t want either of them to be less than honest about how they got there.

“What’s your question…lad?” Robbie finally asked.  He’d almost said ‘pet’.

James lowered his gaze to the table, took several slow breaths, exhaling heavily through his nose each time, and then looked up and into Robbie’s eyes. 

“Why did you kiss me back?  Why didn’t you push me away as soon as you realised what I was going to do?  Because I know you did.  Know, that is.  I saw it in your eyes.  You could have easily stopped me and you didn’t.”

Robbie felt his mouth drop open slightly.  “You saw…?” he whispered.  Well, that went some way to explaining why James hadn’t crept out during the night.  He could have assumed, correctly, that Robbie wanted the contact as much as he did, and when Robbie had broken the kiss, it was confusion, not mortification, Robbie had seen on James’s face.  Robbie felt his heart begin to race.  “I wanted to,” he answered James quietly.

James’s head tilted to one side in curiosity.  “Why?” he asked pensively.

Robbie hesitated.  How was he going to answer that without stammering like a fool or blushing like a flustered teenager?  Getting the story of Stuart out had been an effort.  He wasn’t even sure he could put what he felt for James into coherent sentences at the moment.  For crying out loud, they didn’t talk about things like this.  They rarely _talked_ at all; that was the whole point of being able to understand each other without words.  They both just knew what the other meant or needed or expected.  Robbie bit his bottom lip as he held James’s steady gaze.  James waited.  Robbie exhaled slowly.  He was going to have to trust James would fill in the gaps.  “I…you see…why does anyone kiss anyone else…like that?” he stuttered out.

The smile started in James’s eyes.  “I wasn’t wrong,” he said in an awed whisper and gave a breathy, heady giggle.  He stood and moved around the table to sit beside Robbie.  “Like this, you mean?”

James palmed Robbie’s cheek and kissed him, just as he’d done after they’d stumbled through the door.  This time, when James’s tongue teased his lower lip, Robbie opened to him, letting himself be taken.

When James eventually broke the kiss, Robbie drew in a deep breath.  He was light-headed and briefly felt nineteen again.  “Yeah,” Robbie sighed out, resting his forehead against James’s.  “Like that.”

James tutted softly.  “Well, what are we going to do about it?”

“What do you want to do?”  Robbie brought a hand up to cradle the back of James’s neck.

James smiled gently and gave a gentle shake of his head, his brow brushing over Robbie’s.  “I’m asking the questions, remember?  So, what are we going to do about…this?”  His hand was still against Robbie’s cheek, and James brushed his thumb across Robbie’s lower lip, drawing a sigh.

Robbie had been right to trust James, to trust their ability to communicate silently.  This was going so easily.  So…perfectly.  Robbie started to wonder if he was still in bed, dreaming.  “Pinch me, James.”

James blinked slowly.  “Not quite what I expected, but if you insist.”

“Ow, bugger!”  Robbie jumped as something bit the top of his thigh.  James jerked back in his chair, his contact with Robbie gone.

“Sorry.”  James started to rub the exact spot on Robbie’s leg.

“Was that you?”  James nodded.  “Bloody hell.  I thought some creepy crawly had crept into me tracky bottoms and bitten me.”

“You said pinch you.  Isn’t that what a pinch should feel like?”

Robbie gave an embarrassed huff.  “Aye.  I’m not dreaming, then?”

“I bloody well hope not.”  James closed the gap between them.  “I know I’m out of practice, but I wouldn’t have expected my kisses to put you to sleep.”

“Not a fairy tale then, either?”

“No.  Usually in the fairy tales, the kiss is meant to awaken the princess.”

“I’ve been called a lot of things in my time but never–”  James silenced him with another kiss.

Robbie was certain the light in the room was brighter when he and James parted for the second time.

“You never answered my question,” James murmured as he played with the hair at the nape of Robbie’s neck.  “What _are_ we going to do?”

“Right now, or in the future?”

“Both.  I guess.”  James’s hand fell away and he sat back from Robbie.  He wore a look Robbie knew all too well.  Second-guessing himself was second nature to James.  Robbie held in a sigh and waited.

“I’ll make some fresh coffee.”  James all but leapt from the chair and into the kitchen.  He slopped water over the side of kettle, and then fumbled with the cafetière, nearly dropping it in the sink as he rinsed it out.  Robbie wanted to go to him, to take hold of him and tell him everything would be all right.  Only his position as James’s boss kept Robbie in his seat.

Robbie cleared his throat and spoke quietly but firmly to James’s back.  “James, leave that and come sit back down.”

James’s shoulders dropped and he placed both palms against the worktop.  “Are you sure you wouldn’t like fresh coffee?”

“James.  Please.”

James returned to his seat beside Robbie and folded his hands together on the table.

“Can I ask _you_ a question, James?”  James frowned.  “It’ll be one you relate honestly if the need ever arises.”  James nodded.  “Why did you kiss me last night?”

James squared his shoulders, took a deep breath, and turned to face Robbie.  “Because I’d wanted to for a bloody long time but always believed I’d have a snowball’s chance in hell of it ever happening.  Then you were there, and I was there, and I thought ‘fuck it,’ and figured if I was out of line, we could blame being drunk and I…”  James unexpectedly cradled Robbie’s face between his palms.  “Might as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb,” he whispered.  “I love you, Robbie Lewis.”

Robbie felt his mouth fall open.  “Well, then.  Guess it doesn’t get much clearer than that.”  He covered one of James’s hands with his own and slipped the other around the back of James’s neck.  “Never thought I’d hear those words again, pet.”

James’s smile was one of joy and light and pure relief.  “You don’t mind?”

“Do I mind that I find myself loving someone who loves me back?  Not in the slightest, bonny lad.”

James mouth worked itself open and closed several times.  “You…you love me?” he stammered.

“What do you think?”  Robbie tugged James towards him and pressed their foreheads together.

James made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sigh.  “Are we really going to do this?  Be Robbie and James, not merely Governor and bagman.”

Robbie considered his answer.  “Is this what you really want?  Me.  With all me baggage and extra years.”

“Yes.  All of it and all of you.  Am I what you want?”

“What I want and all I need, I reckon.  You made me see a future where I’d once thought there wasn’t one for me.”

“Then we’re doing this,” James said decisively.  “We’re going to give Innocent a migraine when she eventually finds out.”

Robbie huffed.  “‘When’ being the operative word.  We can be discreet when it’s called for – unless you want to tell her first thing Monday.  Get it out of the way.”

“It’s no one’s business but ours at this stage.”  James kissed Robbie quickly.  “I want to have you all to myself for as long as possible.”

“You know she’ll figure it out, don’t you?  And Laura.”

“What they think they know and what’s confirmed are two different things.”  James scooted his chair closer to Robbie so he was sitting with his knees pressed against the outside of Robbie’s knees.

“Sit like that when we’re in the office and that’s all the confirmation they’ll need.”

James arched his eyebrows.  “It could never happen.  There’s not enough room for me to get my chair between your desk and the filing cabinet at the moment.  Of course, I could rearrange the office so it would be possible–”

Robbie caught James’s face between his palms.  “You’re a daft sod, but you’re my daft sod.  Now, to answer your other question,” he murmured, “what should we do?  I think the first thing would be to move to the couch where we can…discuss…matters in greater depth more comfortably.”

James leant forward and brushed his lips against Robbie’s cheek.  “Your bed would be cosier.  Have you seen the weather outside?”

“Is it bad?”

“Might rain.”

“Really?”

“Well, it is summer.”

Robbie snorted softly.  “Bed, eh?”

“It’s merely a suggestion.”

Robbie sat back and smiled.  “Always knew you were a clever one.”  They sat looking at each other for a long moment.  “Well,” Robbie said, a wicked grin crossing his face.  “Are you just going to sit there, or do I have to take ‘inappropriate action’?”

James jumped to his feet, pulling Robbie up with him and leading him towards the bedroom.  “Heaven forbid I should put you in a compromising position.”

“James, love, that’s exactly what I’m hoping you will do.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the poem _[Hours Continuing Long](http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/hours-continuing-long/)_ by Walt Whitman  
>  (Thank you to paperscribe for the suggestion.)


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